Hey, have you ever seen… Death Race?



Okay cocksucker. Fuck with me,and we’ll see who shits on the sidewalk.

Yeah, that’s right, I said it.  Death Race.  Not even the original.  I’m going to assault all sense of human decency and goodness you may have thought remained on this blog and drag it through the mud, laughing like a mad cannibal and strongly proclaiming my allegiance to France while firmly grasping my own genitals.  I’m recommending Death Race to you, because gosh darnit, it’s too much high caliber good times to pass up.  Plus, Brodie hated it, and that just makes it even better.  Let the desecration begin.

Look, the movie is just fun.  It’s what entertaining movies should be.  Brainless action, explosions, fight scenes, pointless violence.  This is the American dream goddamnit.  Look at that quote up there;  I don’t even know what that means!  Who shits on the sidewalk?  Why is that a good thing?  Who cares!  This is the em-effin Death Race!  Death Race will show you who shits on the sidewalk.

Seriously, it’s cars that have guns and rockets mounted on them, and they’re racing for freedom!  It’s got Jason Statham with obligatory shirtless scene, Joan Allen, Ian McShane, that one scary Mexican tattoo’d gangster guy, Paul W.S. Anderson directing, that chick in the picture, and blah blah blah, but does it really matter?  There are gory deaths (the best of which is replayed no less than three times during the course of the movie, because it’s that good) and there are flashy deaths, and there are deaths by Dreadnaught, which is cool in it’s own right.  Oh, and the fate of said Dreadnaught was a damned pretty piece of film effects work too.

The acting is average at best, the story is a flimsy excuse for all this madness to happen, and the resolution doesn’t drop any shockers on you, but come on…you don’t walk in to Death Race expecting to see an Oscar contender.  You go into this to see all the stuff I’ve already spent way more words explaining than anyone should have to type out to do so, but I’m filled with the spirit of excess and a patriotic glee in excreting this here.  Shouldn’t you be filled with the spirit of excess too?  Shouldn’t you shit on the sidewalk?

Yes.  Yes you should.



  1. The Dreadnaught was the only highlight in the whole shebang for me. And yes, its (SPOILERS) death (END SPOILERS) was quite epic and amazing. Sure, I'm all for dumb movies but this one almost put me to sleep.

  2. I'm come to the realization that if I'm going to watch a Jason Stathem movie, I should expect a weak plot and BADASS action. Although the Bank Job was pretty good.

    1. "Lock, Stock…", "Snatch" & "Transporter" are my favorite Statham films. I'm hoping he'll kick all types of ass in "The Expendables" with Sly Stallone & Jet Li.

    1. Are you talking about "In The Name Of The King"? I really want to see it since it's directed by the worst director in the world, Uwe Boll. Statham plays a farmer in the film. Guess the character's name in the film: Farmer. Shit you not!

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