So I had this thought a while back while watching a movie and I wanted to share it, write it down, put it out there in the world, and then I thought no way, it’s weird, people would mock me, scorn me, possibly even have me booted off the Internet, but you know what, fuck it, here it is in all its ugly truthiness: I find animated animals kind of hot.
Not all animated animals. I mean, I don’t have to change my underwear every time I watch “Finding Nemo,” mostly because I don’t wear underwear, but also because fish, as a rule, just aren’t sexy (sorry, Mr. Limpet). But it seems to me that some animated animals in some movies are meant to stir up those kinds of feelings in its audience. After all, animated movies aren’t just for kids, they’re for the bored parents who pay for the tickets, right, and if Hollywood (and the Swede casting couch) has taught me anything, it’s that adult audiences are more engaged when the main character is, you know, fuckable. Take Forrest Gump. Sure, he’s all slow and folksy and Sarah Palin-like, which is entertaining and all, but if he wasn’t at least a little hot, we wouldn’t have bought the bit about Jenny jumping his bones and then pumping out that creepy kid who sees ghosts and shit.
Anyway, the movie I was watching while having this epiphany was “Fantastic Mr. Fox,” the attractive animal in question was the eponymous creature of said film, and my point is, I believe he was drawn in a way to attract an adult audience in that way. Sure, it’s a story for kids, blah blah blah, but look at the photo of Mr. Fox up top and tell me there isn’t a little something going on there.
Right? He sort of reminds me of one of my crushes from when I was a newer, more recently manufactured blow-up doll: the animated fox from Disney’s “Robin Hood.” I don’t know what it is about foxy animated foxes, but they certainly do the trick — for me, at least. I know that for a lot of guys of a certain age, there’s a particular animated rabbit that gets their blood pumping south of the border, even now. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to arch my back, pout my already obscenely puckered lips and murmur, “I’m not bad; I’m just drawn that way” before bending over and … well, that’s another story for another day.
Back to the topic at hand: I’m willing to bet I’m not alone in my attraction to animated animals. I think there are freaks out there just like me who find themselves inexplicably drawn to certain characters, and I think you’re one of them. So ‘fess up: tell Debbie who gets you hot.
I used to have a crush on Penny from Inspector Gadget. I think it was mainly because she had that bad ass computer book, though. NERDY HOTNESS!
Penny isn't an animal. She's human.
I don't know if I found him hot really, but Baloo the bear from "The Jungle Book" has a pretty sexy voice.
True, just wanted to put that out there.
Animals: I guess Gadget Hackwrench from "Chip n' Dale Rescue Rangers" was kinda hot as she knew her way around all things mechanical.
Can we pick animated toys? Because I want Woody from "Toy Story" to be my boyfriend.
I've always been a fan of the ninja turtles … they can whip me into shape any day of the week!
If you had to pick one, which one would you choose?
Which one: Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael, or Michelangelo? Leonardo leads, Donatello does machines. Raphael is cool but crude, Michelangelo is a party dude.
Debbie, you have a filthy mouth.
Jessica Rabbit isn't a rabbit. That's just her married name. She's 100% hand-drawn woman. I'm trying to think of sexy cartoon beasts, but not many come to mind. Thundercats' Cheetara is pretty sexy, but she's basically a humanoid with feline characteristics.
Live and learn, I guess.
I was gonna say Gadget, but looks like I was already beat to the punch. Hilarious
Daisy Duck was pretty hot with her pink bow, plus she never wore pants so you know she was easy.
I'm going to have to go with Conlan on this one. Thundercats' Cheetara is pretty hot, and no different then Mr. Fox…They both walk on two legs, so I would say it's fair game.
I'll say Beast, from Beauty and the Beast. He counts as an animal, right? It was the voice that did it.
The Beast was *so much* hotter than Prince Charming (or whatever Prince he was)!
he's not an animal either but my sister had a crush on Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon. and my mom liked Speed Racer when she was young. my dad thinks that Porky Pig is sexy when he dresses up as a woman. i, however, don't share these bizarre fixations. weirdos.
wait, i just remembered the Swat Kats. ohhhhh Chance, aka T-Bone!
I would also say Ariel, from The Little Mermaid. She's half fish.
wow i just read this and its somewhat disturbing, not full on disturbing but just somewhat and not even as much as say……….. having a crush on Penny from Inspector Gadget disturbing but…..yeah…….BIG QUESTION: SO IS IT CALLED DOGGY STYLE? OR FOXY STYLE(IF SAY ITS USED BY MR. FANSTASTIC MR. FOX, BTW IS THAT A SELF IMPOSED TITLE OR DID SOMEONE GIVE HIM THAT NAME?
Alright Debbie, to answer you question, yes, you are not alone. They are called "furries" and the have a pervasive internet presence and massive real life conventions where they dress up in mascot costumes to live out their deepest fantasies of being a cartoon fox (or picking one up at a bar). You can find out more on this website: http://www.furaffinity.net , which is like the facebook of people get turned on by cartoon animals.