In the past couple of days, I fell victim to the hype machine that usually accompanies these tent pole Hollywood blockbuster releases. So much that I even got slightly aroused by the fact that Transformers was being touted as being one of the best examples of the use of 3D and actually looked forward, if ever so slightly, to seeing it in the format that I’ve always loathed. Congrats to Michael Bay and his team for successfully pulling this ruse on me because, well… the movie was not good. Now, what angers me most isn’t the fact the I was duped but rather that it seems like there was a inkling buried deep within this abomination that alluded to what could have been a great movie. Alas, it was not meant to be.
Nobody goes to see these movies for the story but let me just say that it’s an incremental upgrade from the last sequel but it’s ever so slight. Every possibility to rise to the occasion is quickly squandered by Bay’s ADD style of storytelling. Sure, he got rid of the racist robots from the last movie but for some reason decided to keep two of the more annoying robots from the same film. They serve no purpose except to fill you with rage and remind you how awesome Poochie was. Oh that Megan Fox replacement? About as much range and a sack of hammers. So fuck the story, let’s get into the reason we really go see these movies: the action!
Well, that is kinda WACK as well. Everyone is talking about the 50-minute action sequence at the end of the film almost as much as the much hyped chase scene in Matrix Reloaded but let me assure you, there is no need to bring a fresh pair of underwear to change out. While there are some highlights (the skydivers in wing suit sequences were pretty damn cool) and you can tell some of the best CGI artists put in a LOT of work here, the action just never reaches a point of “OH FUCK!!” not even once. Okay, maybe once but for these things, you need multiple moments of awe to balance out the emptiness of the rest of the film. It’s almost as if he decided to combine all of the film’s action sequences to the end because the first 80% of the film is devoid of almost all action. Oh and the 3D? Yeah, back to my FUCK 3D! stance. Never once did it enhance the film but I do give them credit, the picture, clarity & brightness was better than I’ve ever seen. Too bad it didn’t translate to a better experience.
Michael Bay has always been my go-to guy for action sequences and this time he’s kinda left me disappointed. The audio mix was top notch, the CGI was incredible and because of this along, worth checking out but if you could care less about either of those things enough to check out a movie theatrically, maybe you should skip this. The film clocks in at around two and a half hours and it really takes about one hour and forty minutes of bullshit to get through for the chewy goodness at the end. A Blu-ray rental at best, I sincerely hope this is the last Transformers film from Michael Bay because after decent start with the franchise, he’s successfully turned it into a steaming pile of… what’s the Autobot equivalent to shit? Well, THAT is what this franchise is.
I was back n forth with this movie. I read some more positive reviews early on but now I'll wait for Red Box or Blockbuster Express. Thanks for saving me $11 or more like $22 because I would've had to take the girlfriend……